There is absolutely nothing in this world more relaxing than floating on an inner tube. With you head back, eye's closed, half in the water, bobbing with the waves, washing away your worries without a a care in the world.
In 1965 Sports Illustrated spotlighted Princess Panthip Chumbhot of Nagar Svarga Thialand, the supposed inventor of tubing. It is hard to believe nobody discovered bountiful bliss found in buoyant tubes prior to this. But it is safe to say that society has readily embraced tubing, where you can tube almost anywhere in the world, in any climate. Whether along a river, behind a boat, with a kite, down a slope; you can pretty much tube in your own tub. So with this proliferation of plastic, came an entire industry dedicated to floating. So while straying from the traditional tire tube, came more illustrious designs such as inflatable doughnuts, mouse wheels, massive beach balls, floating ping pong tables, ride-able swans, whales, sharks, including claimable icebergs, trampolines, log cabins, monstrous islands, and canopy beds. It's like Disneyland on water, and who the hell would not want to partake in this? Well, excluding all those weary of the water. I would love to ride my blowup unicorn or dragon over to the a floating iceberg for a quick climb, followed by cocktails afloat a tropical island. Jesus would have loved nothing more than to take a break from walking on water. But perhaps something pops? Do you hunt down the hole or thrown in the towel and buy a new one? Well...as they say, it is all fun and games until someone get's hurt, which is how the pool noodle came to be. It's perfect for swim lessons and life-guarding, but other than that, the pool noodle doesn't deliver much delight. Sure it's fun for squirting water and beating the shit out of someone with, but even that gets old. It's physically impossible to relax on a pool noodle, even with all the attachments. It's also certain a pool noodle will disintegrates the minute it hits the water. This is also aided by the compulsion for kids bite and hump the damn thing. Where if we're putting all out cards on the table, the pool is often first place for people discover themselves, whether humping a noodle or getting a tickle from of the pool's blower. Our plastic footprint is far from our forethought, where most us fail to recognize NONE of these plastic pool products are recyclable. So naturally when the oceans rise and we're all out to sea, don't be alarmed by the irony when we're all surrounded with useless disintegrated and deflated pool toys. Now I'm not saying don't have fun and don't live life, but maybe laying on the actual beach instead so bad? Do I don't really need an inflatable island the size of the Pacific Garbage Patch?
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Try walking mile in someone else's shoes, and you'll wind up thirsty. Would a beer opened with someone's filp flop quench that thirst? Well if the shoe fits wear it, I guess. Nothing seems more satifying than having someone's crusty dirt and disease-ridden flop, pop your top. Sure your buddy just got back from sleeping in a port-a-potty at Burning Man, and then marched across the five boroughs of New York City, through dog piss and rancid garbage just to open your beer. Yum!
Sure desperate times call for desperate measures, but is opening a beer so tricky? Heck, there are a gazillion people out their who can open a bottle with a million different things: lighter, counter tops, water bottles, carabiner/keys, and their teeth. Now obviously it is up to the individual as to whether they prefer cracking a tooth to getting E. Coli or Pneumonia from a flop. But why risk either, nobody can fill your shoes. Ironically, Fantich & Young make several pairs of shoes, both women's stilettos and men's oxfords, where teeth comprise the sole. Now...don't got get off on the wrong foot, F&Y actual soul so the soles are made with faux teeth. Well is is most certain shoes have come a long way from our Neanderthal ancestors, where it almost seems as though we've gone full circle with form no longer follows function and falls somewhere under the vast umbrella of art and fashion. Apple even patented a shoe with a build in pedometer while the Reebok Pump could in fact make you jump higher. It seems that even Lady Gaga is over outrageous platform stiletto heels as high as slits. But one thing is for certain, sneakers and Timberlands will forever reign, even if you live on a shoestring budget, form follows function and allow fashion to meet comfort. So whether it is a Flavor or an Air Jordan put your feet up. So stand on your own two feet and get your foot out your ass, or possibly someone else's ass and consider the consequences of mandals (man sandals) as well as flop opened beer. With the recent loss of one of the world's brightest stars and comical geniuses Robin Williams, I can't help but reflect on how we as a culture celebrate life, grieve, and memorialize death. As a whole we're not that different from another, seemingly invincible while heartbreak-ingly vulnerable, where the world is our oyster and we imagine ourselves destined for great things, all the while terrified of the unknown and fearful of failure. With the outpouring of love and admiration, seemingly every news, media, and Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook feed is memorializing Williams. With this you can help but wonder whether or not he felt the love, and would it have changed things? Unfortunately we'll never know, and maybe that is why we grieve and memorialize this way?
So it is with the motivation of "laughter through tears" that I investigate the ways in which the world deals with death. Religion is often the first motivator; where Hindu's cremated their dead and set them to rest in the Ganges River, while both Muslim and Jewish corpses go through a religious ritual and are buried 24 hours following death, all the while liberal Christians vary on time, cremation, and embalming. Following my roommate's recent trip to Nepal, he broadened my perception of funerary ceremonies by introducing me to the sky burial/celestial burial which is practiced in Himalayan Buddhism. The corpses are offered to vultures so that the creatures may seek nourishment while abetting reincarnation and the furthering afterlife. You can decide what to do with your body after death, such as donating organs or Cryonics, otherwise inevitably someone else will make this decision for you. Most human-beings are afraid of death, which is why funerary ceremonies and memorials are coping mechanisms. Several years ago there may not have been so many options, but today there is an advantageous funerary industry. With the accouterments accompanying cremation the world is your oyster, where a coral reef can rise from your ashes via a biodegradable oceanic urn. Nevertheless if preservation is your path, an hourglass pendant with your loved one's ashes is a great reminder that time is ticking. But your best investment is to have your ashes compressed into a diamond. Now... if having trouble letting go, your lover's ashes can be kept in a lifelike figure, complete with their faux face as well as a Superman or bad-girl costume or why not have have them mummified for a mere $67,000. The options don't die, why not have your ashes launched either into the air via fireworks or into space via Celestis Memorial Spaceflights. Or if you're looking for something a little more artistic, you could donate your corpse to Mark Evaristti for his Ferrari Forever sculpture, or get a tattoo or portrait painted using their ashes as pigment? Now if you're dying for a more hipster approach, the best option is to have your ashes pressed into a vinyl record. Is vinyl dead? But perhaps the most disturbing and closest to home is LifeNaut, the digital reanimation of a your loved one. It's like FaceTime and Skype but not, so if their Facebook profile wasn't enough of a reminder, now you can have a digital conversation the dead. RIP RMW Stereoscopic pertains to three-dimensional 3D vision or variations where devices are used to create the illusion of depth from a two-dimensional 2D image. You may remember these things from most suburban malls in the 90s, otherwise maybe you've heard of MC Etcher. There are a variety of ways to achieve 3D from drawing with depth, side-by-side viewing popular in the 1800s, then came color anaglyph systems, holograms, Pixar, and then 3D printing. It is in our human nature to seek pleasure, where playing tricks on our eyes and brain are fun, it is a challenge all the while entertaining to stare at a stereoscope.
The stereoscope is a one lens away from the telescope and similar to the binocular, it is quite logical to envision how its origin came about. However unlike the telescope and binocular, the stereoscope serves no function other than entertainment. Supposedly Louis XIV loved his stereoscope because it provided him with endless hours of entertainment and escape from the palace's wall. So coupled with the debauchery happening at Versailles, the stereoscope probably served the same purpose as today's video games today. It is inherent for mankind to want to expand their mind visually, whether in Amazonian rainforest where indigenous cultures using DMT or a child watching cartoons. Whoever thought I'd have my mind blown standing at a mall kiosk in Chester Virginia, in-between The Limited Too, Gap, Claire's, and Cinnabon. Unfortunately there is a segment of the population who fail to see the hidden 3D, which may in fact be a good thing if you've ever experienced these wasted or have been wasted and have had these haunt your trip. My hope for the future is that there is 3D wall paper, and that rather than traveling to Versailles, you can just walk into my living room and voila. The Japanese are an amazing culture where they have coined the term Chindogu which means an odd or distorted tool or the literal translation is un-useless. So conceptually speaking, the Japanese were trying to devise a word meaning extremely useless, however the prefix of un means not, so essentially un-useless is an oxymoron meaning not useless or otherwise useful. This could be interpreted as brilliant irony or a loss in translation? The motivation was to design objects that are more convenient yet paradoxical, so ridiculously pointless and the opposite of anything purposeful or useful. However they'er something we long for, bringing the gap between what we are what we could be, nevertheless they fail. So for something that is so impracticable and impossibly useless, the Japanese still valued it and designated a word to describe it. This reminds me of the Germans and their use of the word lebenskunst meaning life-art or carefree enjoyment of live as a work of art, and then Gesamtkunstwerk meaning a total work of art, syntheses of arts. As for the french Jacques Carelman he reinvented and reimagined the everyday. saying “Personally, I prefer to strip common objects of their normal use. It’s less dangerous, more honest and infinitely more fun! My objects, as opposed to objects worshipped by our consumer society, are perfectly useless. “
They've even developed a ten commandments a Chindogu, ranging from the object cannot exist in real life to its sole purpose being humor. From an artistic standpoint Chindogus are similar to the Dada Movement's Readymades, where Duchamp mounted a bicycle wheel to a stool, thus creating something that served no purpose as it was neither a functioning stool or a bike. So technically speaking, the Japanese Chindogus are in fact art and a reflection of our materialistic culture. The photos above display a tongue, a microphone shaped sponge, picture frames for corners, a skateboard with wheels in opposite direction,a glasses headband to use while laying down, glasses with funnels for eyedrops, a cigarette with no end, a cane with wheels, an arm holder, clothing protector for the bathtub, fake hand for chopping veggies, a toothbrush for your finger, fly swatter slippers with extended handle, solar flashlight, shared napkin/table cloth, and a faux ab maker. Obviously these objects are not the world's greatest inventions, but they are nonetheless brilliant. Which brings me back to the entire premise of this blog, just because you think it doesn't mean it has to exist. I'm not saying don't make it, because if these objects ceased to exist, I would loose a lot of writing material and a lot of joy from my life. I'm just questioning our consumer tendancies and crziness. I want to make and buy all of these things like a connected shoes, two fans blowing at on another, stickers or fake tattoos that make it look like you're awake, a clock that grows thyme. So whatever you do don't listen to me, keep making and buying crap, never say never. In an ideal world you'd see pictograms here, rather than actual letters and words. But don't worry this will be translated soon enough. Having grown up in the South, I remember a huge debate as to whether Ebonics would be taught in schools. Ebonics is language in and of itself that possesses particular grammar and phonology, where some would argue it is inherited via lineage and others consider it slang. Like Ebonics, maybe the same could be said for Emojis? As human beings we sometimes overlook various languages infiltrating our culture, everything from slang to body language helps shape our daily lives.
In the late 1990s with the infiltration of technology and cellular telephones, Shigetaka Kurita and NTT DoCoMo's i-mode mobile internet platform in Japan designed the world's first emojis. Emoji means picture + character where the tiny symbolic images represent electronic message. So rather than calling someone, you can send them tiny images and text to convey your thoughts. Although texting is not fully embraced by everyone, it is safe to say most of the world probably likes emojis. They are cute, funny, sweet, silly, and make most people smile. Historically speaking the ball got rolling in the 60's when Charlie Ball designed the first ever yellow smiley face with the tag line "Have a nice day!" which was then sold to Bernard and Murray Spain, where they would eventually profit over $500 million. So it was in the stars for popular and material culture to embrace the emojis, where comedian Aziz Ansari recreated the lyrics of Kanye West and Jay-Z's song "N*ggas in Paris" via text, while Victoria Secret debuted emoji underwear. Herman Melville's classic Moby Dick has been translated into emoji where hopefully next up is this blog post. There are emojis representing almost anything you can think of; a toaster, smelly fish, Ferris wheel, fireworks, man on the moon, tents and tits, spaghetti noodles, two girls dancing, a smiley face barfing, and my favorite the illustrious middle finger. The New York recently published an article about the lack of a Hot Dog emoji, where in fact it's only a matter of time. Soon enough there will be more emojis than words, a Webster's Dictionary of emojis, emoji language classes, maybe we'll even embrace the fact of not speaking and begin to mime emojis? Would you rather see who can...shove the most marshmallow's in their mouth, chug a gallon of milk in an hour, OR swallow a spoon-full of cinnamon? Well much like Planking, these two feats have been just as prolific in popular and material culture as the Sunggie. For every generation its a different sort of challenge, where today it's Vodka eyeballing and smoking Smarties while yesterday it was sniffing Pixy Stixs and passing-out during Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board. The real question is what happened to drinking a little NyQuil, smoking a joint, taking a shot, or drinking a beer? Instead kids today are of drinking hand-sanitizer and sticking vodka soaked tampons up their asses.
Its tough being a teenager, you have hormones flaring and your parents blaring. Lets start off the seemingly wholesome challenge of chugging a gallon of milk in less than an hour. First off, why milk? Well the properties of milk make it that much more difficult for your stomach and lower intestines to process, along with the fact the stomach can technically only hold a half-gallon of liquid.Your vomiting reflexes will most likely kick in, thus creating a white waterfall of mucus milk and curdling crud. It is hard to believe that nobody has ever died from this, aside from some fraternity fucks puking off a bridge onto coming traffic and causing an accident. Following this funk, the cinnamon challenge is the idea to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon with out spitting a sand storm. Although seemingly harmless, this one left one teen in the hospital for four-days with pneumonia and a collapsed lung. Cinnamon is so drying that it is nearly impossible to swallow, thus causing the participant to choke, gag, vomit, inhale grounds into the lungs, and run the risk of dying. Although not as dangerous, smoking smarties and sniffing Pixie Stix leaves particles in the lungs but at less velocity. As for butt-chugging or the alcohol enema, this is the most dangerous because it leads to faster intoxication and inability to vomit due to over intoxication, not to forget the direct poisoning of the intestines. And the most impressive of teen trend is binging on hand-sanzi, where through a distillation process involving salt, kids are turing the gel into a 120 proof moonshine. Yikes. So the the next time you want to catch a buzz, forget going to the bar, swing by your nieces or nephews for the underground shit. July 23 is know as National Hot Dog Day, but is also Gorgeous Grandma Day (yuck), National Pink Day, and God only know's what National Day. There is a day for everything, for instance yesterday was National Tequila Day, today is Merry Go Day and tomorrow is All or Nothing Day. How can you keep the days straight with Paul Bunyan Day, Smoke & Mirror Day, Ugly Truck Day, Flitch Day, Petroleum Day,World Sauntering Day, Pancake Popcorn Day, Escape Day, Toothache Day, Public Sleeping Day, and my favorite Make Up Your Own Holiday Day. Where did this come from? Did someone just wake up one day and say "man I'm going to devote today to _____ and convince some idiots to celebrate it." Well it worked.
And if there is one thing the US is obsessed with it is Hot Dogs. Yes those slimly pink meat rods, made animal byproducts. It is actually by product of our German ancestry, where in 1870 Charles Feltman sold sausages in rolls at Coney Island. Sure nothing is more American than the New York Hot Dog, where neither the obesity nor Noah's Arch could stop them from boil-em, fry-em, grill-em, bake-em, put em on a sandwich, in Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, cook-m over a campfire, and most relevant buying the craziest devices to cook-em. Sure there are plenty of weirdos out their that eat-em raw,but fear not there are millions of Hot Dog doodads and gizmos to protect you from ebola. A toaster to heat your Hot Dog and toast you bun son, along with rotisserie machines distinctly devoted to dogs, a corn dog maker, and deep fryer, a Japanese style Sanrio rabbit that warms your weenier, and let's not forget Roast My Weenier. But more importantly you can spend $699 you can learn how to run your very own Hot Dog Cart. Yes ladies and gentleman there is a Hot Dog University where you learn the art of the cart and buy just buy Perry Belcher's book How to Make a Million Dollars off a Hot Dog Cart. The syllabus includes permit and license procedures, equipment operation, setting up your cart, taste testing, and a plant tour seeing first hand how Hot Dogs are made. First off I'd like to point out that if you are serious about running a Hot Dog cart, you're first move should not be to waste your money on this class, along with travel, but to invest it into your business. Second maybe we should think about having a Hot Dog Cart, the NY times quoted that at times a seller can make up to $750 a week, while the vendors can make well over six figures a year. So don't knock the dog. With over a 100 million sold, it can be said that over 30% of the United States or 1.5% of the world has owned a George Foreman Grill (GFG). Personally I don't think I know a single person who hasn't owned or used one. George Foreman made grilling accessible, all the while coercing folks into believing its healthier and cleaner. However if you've ever owned a GFG you know what a pain in the ass it is to clean. Sure the grease is contained in a little corn-cob holder, but besides washing the container, you have to scrub hot grill surfaces. Then after several uses you'll wonder if the damn thing causes cancer, from the chipped Teflon to the Hetercyclic Amines (HCAs) and Polycyclic Aromatic Hydrocarbons (PAHs) found in grilled meat.
George Foreman is a two-time World Heavy Weight Champion, Olympic gold medalists, and has only lost 5 of his 81 fights. His most poignant loss went to Muhammad Ali in the 1974 Rumble in the Jungle. Besides boxing, Foreman is a husband (married 4 other times), a father of twelve, an author, philanthropist, ordained Christian minister, and entrepreneur. After a religious epiphany in the 80's, Foreman went on to become a minister and reenter the boxing world in 1994. This comeback allowed him to defend his heavy weight title, where following the fight Foreman was approached by the manufacturing company Spectrum and inventors Michael Boehm and Robert Johnson to promote a lean-mean grilling machine. Foreman was known for consuming two low-fat burgers before each match, which ignited his influential product endorsements. In the beginning, Foreman received 40% of the profits from every GFG sold, profiting to a $4.5 million a month in payouts, and obviously couldn't go on forever. So following the GFGs success, Foreman sold the rights to his name for $137 million dollars in 1999. Nevertheless, its plausible this money went quick especially with four ex-wives, and twelve children. Which is why the GFG is an ever evolving piece of furniture, with newer designs and accessories. For instance newer models now have Blue Tooth so you can play your iPod and music through your iGrill, along with an extension cord allowing your electric grill to go outside. What's next the Electric Beard Trimmer Grill, Sonicare Electric Toothbrush Grill, Inflatable Electric Air-Mattress Grill, or the Macbook-Grill? Some choose scented candles while others pick Ear Candling. Yes, you heard me correctly (well not if you have a candle in your ear) but Ear Candling is the homeopathic phenomenon where wax is excavated from your ear. Also known as Coning, a wax coated tube is placed in one's ear where it is then lit on fire which then creates a suction thus pulling out wax, toxins, and bad chakras. Well that is a lot of pressure for a little flame.
Most doctors and practices identify Ear Candling as an unsafe alternative medicine where more harm than good is likely to result. Most Ear, Nose, and Throat ENT doctors say that ear wax is harmless and you shouldn't stick anything in your ear, not even a Qtip, much less a candle. Yet, Ear Candling is still commonly practice around the world. So whether you're looking to cleanse your chi or you suffer from a terrible ear infection, go ahead light up. Risks include catching on fire and loss of hearing, but heck think of them as added incentives and a bit of excitment. The best part is the cutting open of the cone at the end where before you vomit from grossness you see what is your supposed inner ear's wax, but let's be honest it's the candles' wax. Between your Bose stereo system and your Beats headphones you were already prematurely loosing your hearing, which any ENT doctor agree with. Maybe you Ear Candling practitioner Wanda was at fault? Although she did have her School of Fengshui certificate hanging on her RV wall. However running on repeat in your silent head is Wanda's scratchy smoker voice saying "alls I had to do was read a website and print the certificate." Well let's not dwell on the past, your chi is cleansed and with this added silence you'll have a perfect place to meditate, free from distraction, zen absent from car alarms and classical music. |
LAJ
100 Objects of Popular and Material Culture is an blog exploring the manifestations of human consumption and commodity-ization. The purpose of this experiment is to explore material and popular culture in contemporary society by using objects and concepts to prompt wider questions and reflections. So by emulating The British Museum's and Neil MacGregor's format of A History of the World in 100 Objects I plan to satirically analyze and reinterpreted 100 material culture objects over the course of 2014. Material Culture is the study of our culture's consumption of stuff; namely the manifestation of culture through material productions where people's perceptions of objects is socially and culturally dependent. With this, objects reflect conscious and unconscious beliefs on the the individuals who fabricated, purchased, or used them, and by extension the society where they live. So examining materiality, cultural truths and societal assumptions may be discovered. As anthropologist Arjun Appaduai states "in any society the individual is often caught between the cultural structure of commodity-ization and his own personal attempts to bring a value and order to the universe of things." Objects and commodities make up a much larger symbolic system consisting of want and need, socio-economic status, fashion, etc. Often times form follows function whether the commodity, market, and or consumer forever evolve around one-another. Philosopher Pierre Bourdieu's theories of capital flow full circle; where regardless if you are a minimalist or a hoarder the world is made up of things and everyone will leave their footprint on the earth. So by humorously analyzing marketed objects and concepts, hopefully this blog will provide further incite into ideas of over-consumption, a disposable society, consumerism vs. anti-consumers, planned obsolescence vs. sustainability, as well as the greater good of mankind and future generations. Archives
March 2015
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