Fake Flowers & Fruit, 27

April showers bring May flowers, or so we thought, until now. Artificial flowers seem like a great concept, no black roses or sharp thorns. They'll never die and are not susceptible to weather, pests, or pretty much anything. You don't need sunshine, water, or a brain. They're forever in bloom, yet forever flawed. Constructed of plastic, wire, and polyester. 

Today's artificial flower factories are found along the the Pearl River delta in Guangdon China. And although many of the components are machine made, they're still predominantly assembled by hand. Tons of artificial flowers are shipped around world, therefore making the market is a multi-billion dollar industry. Buyers include the world's biggest retailers;  Wal-Mart, Target, Costco, and Home Depot. It is hard to go a day without seeing a fake flower,whether in a waiting room, restaurant, or store. It is like we have a problem with empty space.

Historically flowers have represented... beauty, love and romance, nature, the birds and the bees, death and mourning, as well as revolution; i.e. the hippie flower placed in a police officer's gun barrel. Flowers are inherently apart of the human experience, most obviously adorning celebrations and tragedies but also blooming whilst growing food. A bride crosses pedals on her way to the alter, and a mourner throws flowers into a newly filled grave. But unlike this corpse, when did flowers go lifeless, turn to plastic? It's crazy to think plastic flowers will outlive us all. But why?

Well somewhere around the late 70's and 80's with the onset of mechanically produced polyester came fake flowers. Obviously flowers are the most common form of inspiration, either for artistic pursuits or for scientific study, such as the Blaschka glass flowers and sea creatures at Harvard. 

But let's face it, we got lazy. Rather than watering and waiting for the orchid to bloom, someone thought it would be better to stare at a plastic-one collecting dust in the corner. Sure some may blame pollen allergens, but heck, these fake flowers are filth collectors. It actually wasn't until FOX new's reported fake flowers melting in some suburban Texan front yards that this cockamamie idea of global warming was challenged. Then out of the woodwork came ExxonMobil, George W. and Donald Trump ready to defend their investments in fake flowers made by oil. They don't see the earth as this living thing, kind of like an apple left in the sun to bake and rot in a Zip-lock bag. 


So there you have it folks, when someone dies, put them in their plastic clothing, inside a plastic coffin, covered in plastic flowers, topped with a plastic tomb. So one day when their grand-son little Johnny goes out to plant his apple-seeds, there will be already be a plastic plant flowering inedible fruit, ready to feed his hunger.