Back to School Supplies, 65

With most universities and colleges well on to frat parties and mid-terms, NYC public schools open their door's this coming Thursday, September 4, 2014. And although it seems summer slipped by, so did our motivation to buy school supplies. If you're a descent parent you'll take your child to Walmart or the mall. But if you're an awesome parent you'll have your driver take your nanny and kid back to school shopping while you submerse yourself in Soul Cycle and a bottle of Pouilly-Fuissé. 

Procrastinate all you like, but it's time to turn down Beyonce's Drunk & In Love, put the Chanel surf board away, and get out your Chanel notepad and pen. Made from quilted lambskin, the Chanel planner goes for a mere grand, while the pencil and ruler are much more reasonably priced at $199. Somewhere in the back of your maid or personal shopper's mind, they might be think, "OMG at Costco you can get close to 1300 pencils for that price."  But lets not forget, it's not about the quantity but the quality. Whether writing or drawing, these pencils along with as 18K gold sharper and $150 set of Lanvin Caran d’Ache pencils will provide your child with a creative outlet. The creative energy flowing through these Chanel pencils is unlike any other, however only a $2200 Louis Vuitton children's backpack or $700 Gucci kids bookbag should be used to house such contents.

It is time we forget the antiquated Lisa Frank, Trapper Keeper, 5 Star notebook, composition notebook, Yikes pencil grips, Elmer's glue, and mini erasers. It's time to breed better brand recognition. Start early with a silver Tiffany spoon, but don't forget to move up to a Burberry pencil case, quickly followed by a full set of equestrian children's wear with Burberry trainers, trenchs, and wellies. Sure it may seem like a lot at first, but then comes the Juicy Couture lunch pail, white-gold titanium Rolex protractor, diamond encrusted Cartier calculator,topped off with a $27,000 Aston Martin DB Junior or a $11,300 Hermès bike. Let's not forget girls clothing such as the cashmere gym clothes supplied by Coach, Garine Gilson children's lingerie, Christian Louboutin children's stilettos, and most importantly child size fake boobs and veneers. Nobody wants to watch their child go through their ugly duckling stage so mask it with enough conspicuous consumption that nobody notices. Maybe it would be easier for them go to school and hand out $1000 bills instead?