He's watching you. Who? God of course, but also that bobblehead in the corner. As you already know, the bobbled head is plastic doll who's head, suspended on a spring, moves with vibrations. So whether displayed on the dashboard of your car or on a shelf in your living room, any when things get-a-rockin so does the bobblin. Sure it's about as interesting as watching grass grow, but these thing are popular, selling like hot-cakes.
The first bobblehead prototypes hit the market during the 1950-60's thereby emulating Major League Baseball team, mascots, and players. The rest is history... there's now a bobblehead for every celebrity and popular culture icon imaginable. So if you're looking for a great way to waste a ton of space and a ton of money, look no further. Sure it may start off as a innocent trip to the ballpark and then all of a sudden you find yourself surrounded in bobblehead stares and your apartment looks like Forbidden Planet. The easiest way to start collecting is to begin with sports, followed by presidents, bands, animals, hula dolls, then cartoon and television characters. The average bobblehead costs about $40 bucks, but then there's also one with a $37,000 price tag, a single production diamond-encrusted Elvis. Bobblehead collecting is the gateway drug to the comic book collecting world, Comic-Con. Where soon enough you'll find yourself wearing spandex shorts and spray-painted neon green to represent the skinniest nerdiest Incredible Hulk imaginable. Sure you'll wake up the next morning to find your sheets covered in what seems to be Double Dare slime or a massacre of Slimer, but low and behold you finally lost your virginity. You met the only girl not paid to attend Comic-Con and you've finally found someone who completes you. Who care's if you'll spend rest of your life in a storage unit digging through comics and playing with your bobbleheads. Soon you'll be walking down the isle of your Star Wars themed wedding, cutting your wedding cake topped with none other than a custom made bobble heads resembling the happy couple.
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Sure we could all use a little extra sleep after losing an hour to Day Light Savings. Scientific research has concluded afternoon naps for adults are beneficial. They increasing productivity, wakefulness, performance, and learning, along with a wide range of health benefits. Naps should range between 10 to 30 minutes, where anything longer unfortunately has adverse effects. Following this medical discovery a wide range of napping products have entered the market, many of which are just as useless and relevant as Day Light Savings.
Companies like Google and Procter & Gamble have embraced the nap by installing nap rooms and nap chairs. The nap is nothing new, European cultures have siestas everyday, where places of businesses close following lunch. Now for there's a solution for the tired yet ambitious go-getter, iNap. This app allow you to fake productivity while getting your sleep on. So after having an all night binder, this free app plays computer typing sounds, mouse clicking, the crumpling of paper, pencil sharping, and stapling tunes. If only it did the actual work and got rid of you undeniable hangover, blood shot eyes, breath of death, alcohol seeping out your pores, and your overall disheveled appearance. Although significantly less discreet, another solution may be the Ostrich Pillow. This napping device is essentially a pillow-like ski mask that costs $116. Sure you'll need a separate suitcase for lugging this thing around, all-the-while you're announcing to the world what a lazy fuck you are. Not to mention you'll look like a complete imbecile when your boss bursts into your office or you run into an Ex-whatever at the airport. The Ostrich Pillow received it's initial start-up costs of $100K via Kickstarter to enter the in the minuscule market of a bag over the head. It's hard to believe people backed this, but it could be only a matter of time before the trend catches on and offices supply them. So prepare your purchase orders for the Office Depot, Staples, WB Mason ostrich mask. Go big or go home, sure. Bigger is better, ok. Or as Sir-Mix A-Lot put it "I like big butts sand I can not lie." Hmm…well if one thing is for sure, Sir Mix didn't have a giant stuffed animal in his bedroom. Nobody wants to get between the sheets with a giant Winnie the Pooh watching. Speaking of Pooh and Poo, the BBC recently reported that Scotland's sewer system was blocked by an over-sized Winnie the Pooh bear along with several other objects including a bike. Scotland's water management company attributes 80% of clogs to people flushing the wrong things down the shitter, thereby creating 40,000 blockages and costing tax payers £7m a year.
Well there are two ways one goes about acquiring a giant stuffed animal, either from an amusement park rendezvous or a rendezvous with a stalker-like lover. In the amusement park scenario, your kids spent a plethora of your hard earned money on Wack-A-Mole. Rest assured you'll find your teenage son whacking it later, most likely wanking-off with Winnie the Pooh or nutting on Nemo. Now if it's your daughter acquiring the toy, remember you're enabling her emotional dependency whereby she'll be living in your basement till she's forty. Last if you received a giant gift, RUN! It doesn't matter if the gift is a bear or a giraffe, your lover has the spending habits of a sixteen-year-old Japanese girl. Not only does you lover want to literately smothering you with the an enormous bear, but they want to mark their territory. Sure the gift signifies affection but is this a pseudonym and psycho? Amazingly enough many websites are sold out of the $250 6 ft. bear, so apparently somebody is buying this shit and or there just isn't enough retail storage space. Aside from fulfilling some need of affection or overcompensating for something else (below the belt), giant stuffed animals serve no purpose. Sure it's all fun and games, until you clog Scotland's sewer system or Tiny Tim gets a polystrene bean lodged in his nostril. Luxury stuffed animals are filled with synthetic-cotton while the more economic versions are filled with polystrene beans. Anyway you put it, it's still plastic, not recyclable, totally toxic, and waiting to float on the top of the ocean for sea turtles to eat. Yes these are the same beads that fill bean bag chairs, but at least those serve a purpose. I purpose that every buyer of a giant stuffed animal also receive a free kitten or puppy. Give it a week and voila; the puppy or kitty has destroyed the knuckleheads life, torn their favorite giant stuffed animal into shreds, littered little Styrofoam balls high and low, along with urinating and defecating everywhere. But after working their butts off to clean and potty train their little monster, they'll finally know what real love is. Cha Cha Chia, just as kitschy jingle as the product itself, it is crazy to believe over 500,000 Chia Pet's are sold every year. The master-marketing-mind Joe Pedott stumbled upon the terra-cotta tchotchke while attending a Chicago housewares show in 1977. In recognizing this product's potential, Pedott's advertising agency Joseph Enterprises thought up the catchy little jingle after a "Mad Men" like brainstorming session, where someone drunkenly stuttered ch..ch..chia. The rest is history. The Chia pet was included in the New York Time's time capsule and archived at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History.
So as processed food/GMO's entered the home so did the cherished Chia Pet. The post-war modern era decided to forgo the vegetable garden and pet dog, in exchange for the cherished Chia Pet. Like Gary Dahl the inventor of the Pet Rock, Pedott cashed in on this newly developing niche marketing, as seen on TV and as gag gifts. Pedott and Joseph Enterprises are also responsible to the Clapper, where for all you Millennials, this is not your free-spirited friend, but a device that turns your lights turn on/off via clapping your hands not your thighs. Plenty of parodies have spoofed this as well as the Chia Pet, such as the Chia Cock and Chia Crotch seen above. Next up the chia chair, chia carpet, chia china cup, and a chia chinchilla. Like the pet rock, the Chia Pet also requires minimal maintenance and will cost you about $10-$30 dollars. Sure it will inevitably kill you by growing Black Mold and is about as entertaining as watching grass grow or an old dude use Rogaine, but heck you have plenty of time to fill or time to kill. You could spend your whole life waiting for Chia Pet to sprout, kind of like candles in the wind. I would like to dedicate this blog to social justice with the hopes of fighting injustice or at the very minimum starting a dialogue. Having grown up in Richmond Virginia I can still recall the ridiculously ironic holiday Lee-Jackson-King Day devoted to Martin Luther King, Robert E. Lee, and Stonewall Jackson The first name should need no introduction with his pivotal role American Civil Rights, but in case you are severely behind on your American History the latter two were confederate leaders in the American Civil War. You can imagine how confusing this was to a 5 year-old child.
It wasn't until I was deep in the jungles in Colombia South America, traveling by mini-van, trekking over mountains and through rivers with more passengers than seats, when the topic of social justice came about. Ms. Howse a social activist and brilliant human being inspired me to no longer be a bystander. So as my buddy Harry always says, we're voting with our dollars. And for measly $500 you can vote for a hand woven Malcolm X sweater made by the Canadian sweater Co. Granted. Sure it's local cotton and organic wool from a family owned business where the weavers, sheep, and cotton spores are serenaded by angels playing the harp. But seriously what would Malcolm X think? Would he agree with frivolous sweater spending, especially from a company lacking diversity and people of color on their website? Now obviously clothing is necessary, and many believe that by buying and wearing something they are in fact joining the fight and spreading awareness. This may be true. But should companies like Urban Outfitters, Forever 21, and Hot Topic capitalize on the faces of MLK, Biggie, Tupac, etc.? Should you buy a poster of MLK, Harriett Tubman, and Malcolm X from Walmart? Sure royalties are paid and every corporation has some form of social responsibility, but is this blurring the lines between social activism and social icon-ism? What would Martin Luther King think of sales honoring his birthday? That's not what the holiday is about. By no means am I an expert, but I do believe humanity has to be kinder to one another, stick up for one another, and follow simple rules of human decency. Obviously this is easier said than done. We're all living breathing creatures making it by, day by day, most of us living on a budget, thankful for the shirts on our back. But I just want people to know you don't need a special T-shirt to fight for justice, and regardless of morality every day we vote with our dollar. Is Courting Controversy An Urban Outfitters Strategy?http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/12/16/370329870/is-courting-controversy-an-urban-outfitters-strategy Bathing is a tradition attached to the human experience. Ancient Roman and Greek civilizations had public and private baths, where it was common to for the wealthy to bath at home and others to use the public baths. During the Middle Age bathing got a bad reputation, believing to cause death by rampant diseases and misguided medicine. With time came industrialization where indoor plumbing and a market flush with toiletries made bathing and showering somewhat of a cultural norm.
There has never been more opportune time to bath; you have Jacuzzi jets, pillows, sprayers, rain-like shower heads, shower radios, sponges, loofahs, gloves, soaps, foams, salts, bubbles, and of course the bath bomb. No this isn't an explosion device for your tub, far from it. It is basically the "Alka Seltzer" of bath products, where a three inch diameter ball dissolves in the tub over the course of two minutes, leaving behind an oily-fuzzy-foggy residue with a potpourri like accouterments, consisting mainly of twigs, dried flowers, and God only know's what. Of course Japanese bath bomb had to one-up this ridiculous invention, by revealing some sort of trinket or little toy inside after fizzling out. More importantly there are entire stores dedicated to the bath bomb. So if sitting in a tub filled to the brim with your own filth wasn't enough, the bath bomb will exceed your expectations by having-never made you dirtier. Imagine converting your bathtub to a less spiritual version of the Ganges. It's hard to say, but some may believe Orville Redenbacher, Jim Morrison, and Whitney Houston all drowned as a result of being bombed in the tub (an intoxicated heart-attack followed by drowning), but in fact they were so displeased with the bath bomb they just simply fell asleep, dying of boredom, drowning with the fishes in a pool of their own filth. Glow sticks are nostalgic, whether seen though a child's eye of interpreted by every adults inner youth. Patented in 1977, the glow stick consists of hydrogen peroxide and phenol oxalate housed in a plastic tube, with one solution housed in a glass capsule that when snapped a chemical reaction occurs causing the florescent dye glows. The light omitted cannot be turned off, which is why glow sticks do in fact serve some sort of practical purpose during emergency situations.
I guess that means that most ravers and Phish show attendees are in luck should a catastrophe happen. While most likely inebriated by copious amounts drugs and alcohol, they're enamored by the trails from the flying florescent fireworks. Whether in Ibiza, Goa, Berlin or some hippy Burning Man Full Moon Party people spend hours and quite possibly days and years staring at glow sticks; twirled on shoestrings and or launching back and forth by a crowd. Glow sticks enhance the party, taking it to another dimension enhancing the experience as something from another planet or video game. Finally thanks to glow sticks you can step outside your comfort zone, set your body free, while getting whacked in the face with glowing sticks. Spike TV's show 1000 Ways to Die depict's one raver's fatal love affair, where by injecting the glow stick's mixture the President of the Idiot convention ends up taking his life. It is not hard to fathom how much time the poison control and emergency services waste on glow sticks alone, my kid just swallowed one while this dude just got one lodged in his asshole. One day it we can all expect to come out of the ocean with all our orifices filled with glow sticks and when cutting into a chicken or fish find a glow stick still glowing, especially since it was killed and immediately frozen. But aside from the advert risk, the real question is what are the environmental repercussions? Do we really need these trippy toys or tools to enhance already a doe experience? Glow sticks are not recyclable, so until a program is devised or the party stops they will continue to be manufactured and purchased in the billions. Beginning as religious celebration paying homage to the Christian Saints and Martyrs, it is hard to imagine Saint Valentines Day without flowers, candies, and cards. It gained it's romantic connotations during the Middle Ages, as love and affection flourished within noble court life and story telling. Acts of love and admiration were expressed chivalrously with poems, cards, confectioneries, doves, flowers, as well as cherub and heart imagery.
This amazing holiday still prevails, where one calendar day is purely devoted to love. If love means never having to say your sorry,then maybe Vejazzling or Pejazzling is not for you. Although...there really is no other way to say I love you, all the while showing your respect and admiration for the martyred Saints of Saint Valentine's Day. Genital piercing, fake boobs, and tattooed tramp stamps are so yesterday, why not try a less permanent approach by gluing knock-off Swarkoski sparkles to your privates. Waxing beforehand, for that pre-pubescent look is recommended, where you may further enhance your childish conduct with a crystallized cunt. Otherwise gluing rhinestones to your enormous pubic patch a hipster-ish interpretation. Designs are customization, so rather than having your genitalia speak for itself, it has finally found it's voice. So for all you guys and gals out there looking to shock, intrigue, and nauseate your sex partner with something other than your body, Vejazzling and Pejazzling are right for you. In the spirit of my funny little valentine, the crystals are a proven magnet for douche-bags and rampant STD outbreaks. A recipe for disaster, side effects include; depression, chafing, blisters, boils, ingrown hairs, addictions, burning sensations, bird flu, rectal bleeding, inability to smell, Jersey Shore syndrome, jaundice, oil spotting, irritable bowl syndrome, gout, chronic inflammation of belly-button, constipation, black plaque, sudden loss of vision from sparkles, carpal tunnel from hand jobs, erectile dysfunction with erections lasting 4 or more hours or ejaculation failure, and so much more. Nothing shows your commitment to "Sparkle Motion" more! So When the Saints Go Marching In bedazzled your vejazzle. Magic is having supernatural powers over natural forces. Mysticism has manifested throughout history and society, tracing back to ancient Egyptian civilization and Roman cultures. Magic, sorcery, and witchcraft are seen as means for explaining the unexplainable and deciphering the unknown; some would argue the same for religion. Although around before the birth of Jesus Christ, these notions have long been condemn by the Church, seen as false interpretations of God and the embodiment of evil. Along with the rise in Christianity a fear of black magic took a stronghold in Europe during the 14th Century, which later developed into a full blown hysteria across Europe and the Americas between the 1450 and 1700 a.d. With 20 plus witches executed in the 1692-1693 Salem Massachusetts Witch Trails, along with a hundreds or so accused and tried, it is crazy to think the last US witch trial took place only in 1918.
All of this is from thought when shaking the Magic 8 Ball. In case you are unaware, the Magic 8 Ball is a toy in the shape of a larger black billiard 8 ball filled with alcohol and blue dye, contains a polyhedron shape, that when shaken predict's one's future with a yes, no, maybe-so answer in it's clear portal. The conception for this device came about in 1940 or so, when Albert C. Carter was inspired by his mother's clairvoyance. Mrs. Carter used psychography to tap into the subconscious, supernatural, and spiritual worlds. The original design was based on a crystal ball but later morphed into a billiard ball with Brunswick Billiards funding and manufacturing help. With this historical knowledge and incite, it is safe to assume every Magic 8 Ball beholds magical powers. Whether it is the actual toy or an iPhone app you can be sure the Magic 8 Ball is telling you the truth! Should you gamble everything at the casino? Be ready to pawn your watch, sell your car, and use your house as collateral, because if the Magic 8 Ball says yes, it is all in. Sure this may create potential problems after cheating on your spouse and quitting you job. But who needs those thing, after adapting to the Magic 8 Ball lifestyle, you'll realize the freedom of never having to make a decision again plus knowing answers to all the answers to the worlds' most difficult questions. Be that yes, no, or maybe answers, you'll find sanctity in knowing psychic Carter's mysticism along with Mattel's manufactures in China have your back. The only truth is the Magic 8 Ball, and finding clarity in the nswer you are seeking. Prior to the fall the USSR and pretty much most of communism, Levi jeans were a highly coveted black market item. At this time the asking price for Levi 501's in the United States were $20-40 dollars, but in the USSR a pair could fetch for $400-500 dollars. A bottle of vodka cost $7, the average worker made $200 a month, and a Soviet made car went for $5800= equaling to a dozen pairs of Levis. Although slightly ironic, jeans were originally devised as working class apparel and seen as a uniform for farmers and miners in the US, in contrast Levis' were re-appropriated by Russia seen as an iconic hierarchical fashion symbol as well as a way to revolt against the establishment, communism's anti-capitalism and socialistic tenancies. Levis represented a yearning to be part of the upper echelon and as way of standing-out from the faux pas. Levis jeans were a class and status symbol.
Following the dissolution of the Soviet Union 1991, Russia acquired its very own Levi Strauss store. Hundreds gathered on February 20, 1993 at Levi's opening in Moscow's Central Department Store near the Bolshoi Theater. upgrade your Walmart wear today, In honor of the 2014 Winter Olympics hosted in Sochi, Russia, it would only be appropriate to discuss the latest innovation to happen to denim jeans. Pajama Jeans! It's too bad neither Levi Strauss nor Pajama Jean were invited to design the US's uniform. Instead, the bid went yet again to Ralph Lauren; surprising given the 2012 Summer Olympics' "made in china" controversy. But like Lauren's repulsive Winter Olympic sweat pants, Pajama Jean has fully embraced America's tenacity for laziness with "Pajamas you live in, the Jeans you sleep in." With the "looks like denim, feels like PJs" appeal, you can own a pair for a mere $40, the same price as an actual pair of jeans. But with the added incentive of turning your hands, legs, and sheets blue; who can resist! Forget the authentic Canadian or Mexican Tuxedo, try the Pajama Jean Tux. You may already have a denim or jean version of everything, including underwear, wallpaper, and fingernail polish; so why shouldn't you have Pajama Jeans? So forget etiquette and your conscience, society just granted you permission to wear your PJs to the grocery store, not only so they can judge you but purely for sheer entertainment. |
LAJ
100 Objects of Popular and Material Culture is an blog exploring the manifestations of human consumption and commodity-ization. The purpose of this experiment is to explore material and popular culture in contemporary society by using objects and concepts to prompt wider questions and reflections. So by emulating The British Museum's and Neil MacGregor's format of A History of the World in 100 Objects I plan to satirically analyze and reinterpreted 100 material culture objects over the course of 2014. Material Culture is the study of our culture's consumption of stuff; namely the manifestation of culture through material productions where people's perceptions of objects is socially and culturally dependent. With this, objects reflect conscious and unconscious beliefs on the the individuals who fabricated, purchased, or used them, and by extension the society where they live. So examining materiality, cultural truths and societal assumptions may be discovered. As anthropologist Arjun Appaduai states "in any society the individual is often caught between the cultural structure of commodity-ization and his own personal attempts to bring a value and order to the universe of things." Objects and commodities make up a much larger symbolic system consisting of want and need, socio-economic status, fashion, etc. Often times form follows function whether the commodity, market, and or consumer forever evolve around one-another. Philosopher Pierre Bourdieu's theories of capital flow full circle; where regardless if you are a minimalist or a hoarder the world is made up of things and everyone will leave their footprint on the earth. So by humorously analyzing marketed objects and concepts, hopefully this blog will provide further incite into ideas of over-consumption, a disposable society, consumerism vs. anti-consumers, planned obsolescence vs. sustainability, as well as the greater good of mankind and future generations. Archives
March 2015
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