Coffee entering Europe was in 1593 as a result of the the British and Dutch East Trading Companies. The Europeans as well as the colonized world had never experienced the caffeinated high of coffee and tea. It was delightful and they  immediately became hooked. With the infiltration of coffee into early European society, came accouterments. Coffee could not be simply served, there were coffee houses, coffee pots, coffee cups and saucers, as well as the the coffee table. Most of these items were unnecessary, although the added to the performativity of consuming coffee. The act of drinking coffee became a social status symbol. If you knew how to use the devices for drinking coffee then you were an astute member of the upper echelon. While luxuriating on a sofa or chaise lounge chair it is only natural to want a table at arm's length to place you coffee. And given the convenience, it also became customary to have a reading material readily available. 

A coffee table book says a lot about an individual; what their interests are, and what they want to convey to their guests upon entering their home. Now a coffee table book tends to be larger than you average book, much so that so that nobody would never carry it around. They are inundated with large colorful imagery and limited text and content. With a plethora of coffee table books on the market, it is only natural there would actual be one strictly devoted to coffee tables themselves, ironic no less. To bad there isn't one solely devoted to coffee table books. Humor also plays a heavy hand in the coffee table book market, such as Stoner Coffee Table Book, Scanwiches, Women Before 10AM, Cacas, and my favorite Stuck Up! 100 Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They Shouldn't Be.

Trending is the coffee table made of coffee table books. It is simply stacks of books, sometimes with a piece of wood or glass atop. Although this defies accessibility to many of the books and thus defeats the purpose (readability) of books, there is plenty of surface space for coffee, tea, and cocktails. 

I once had a conversation with a very talented and very famous drummer which ended with him strongly believing that hearing was the most important sense, while I on the other hand believed it was sight. Irregardless we came to a consensus that our hands were the most vital in this battle of ear vs. eye, where we often take them for granted. I love my hands, maybe not their aesthetic, but I love that they can paint, draw, type, caress, and cook. It is with this that I feel their power fleeting. Opening a jar or water bottle first thing in the morning has become is problematic, although I discovered this camping during college. This disability has been coined as "Morning Hands." So with this let's celebrate our hands, all they can do, because it might not last forever.

Now that winter is upon us a commonly purchased item or items are gloves. Whether they're gift or for necessity, if you experience winter, you'll need them. They're are a million different types of gloves; leather gloves, suede gloves, etc. There are also so many types of gloves pertient to our existence such as medical gloves, those needed for cleaning rubber dish gloves, those needed for exercise or entertainment boxing gloves, baseball gloves, and last those needed as luxury and status symbols such as driving gloves.

It is certain that gloves were one of the first garments our ancestors created in order to battle the elements. Hiking across what is now known as Alaska into North America must have been freezing. Too bad they didn't have a pair of heated gloves, battery run with the price ranging from $200-$500. Sure these will keep you hands warm in the most extreme circumstances, but maybe that is false confidence when your legs and face become frost bitten. Now there is also HI Call a pair of gloves that adapt to you iPhone and mimic a fake mime-like telephone gesture. You listen with your thumb, and speak into you pinky, very classy as you can see. Then there's massage gloves, that extend a massage like feeling so you don't have too, too bad they hit two birds with one stone and massage the massager's hands. Next up are ping pong paddle gloves, Hander-Pants which are ridiculous purposeless gag-gift, Piano Gloves which sound nice, and then LED finger light gloves which is rather alien or predator like. So this holiday shopping season, think of Palm's and talk to the hand. 

As the the holidays approach, when you begin to spend time with your friends and family, it becomes even more evident how pertinent your parents were or weren't in your development. One by one my friends are moving in together, getting puppies, getting married, having kids, buying houses and cars, in no particular order. The real question becomes what type of parent will you be? 
Are you going to follow in your parents footsteps? Or do just the opposite?  Sigmund Freud spent his life studying or psychoanalyzing human development as a result of early childhood events and parental relationships. As a result Freudian theories believe that adult psychological problems stem from unresolved conflicts phased in adolescence. But are your parents to blame?

Today the world is much more conscientious and subconsciously aware of parenting philosophy, techniques, and processes. Whether it is no spanking or no peanut butter, there are a million different factors. Parenting is one convoluted mix of science, tradition, desire, and what one can only hope is common sense. So whether or not you decide to breast feed or eat the placenta, parents lifelong fear is hurting or loosing their child. Since the dawning of humanity parents have had to care for their children to ensure survival, where one misstep could be catastrophic. One can only imagine what Mother Mary felt watching her own son Jesus die. 

Which is no surprise that inventions like the Owlet and Exmobaby have hit the market, so that a parent can monitor their baby's vital signs, directed from their iPhones. Sure it may seem a bit overkill since baby fatality rates are at a all time low, plus parents could rely to heavily on the device and misinterpret the information. Obviously this is is a given, where the manufacturers actually have to stipulate this is "not" a medical device. But aside from misinterpretation and malfunctions, helicopter parenting has gone to a new realm, a virtual one. 

While these devices might make some sense, is the next step microchips? The recent hoax was that all European babies born would have a microchip inserted into them, but this actually isn't the far off truth for China where on Alibab alone there are hundreds of necklaces and watched to strap to your kid. Either way, at least these parents can sleep well at night knowing their child is safe. But are they, what are the physical and mental consequences of microchips? Will parent rely to heavily on them to not parent at all or will they simply create even more hyper-helecopter parents where their kids can hardly breath without it being tracked. Before considering a bookbag-leash or microchip for your kid, consider Freud's psychoanalysis. Successful parenting is a bit of trial and error by both parties, and nobody get's it right NO ONE. But so long as making a heartfelt effort, allowing your kids to make and learn from their mistakes, you'll see the fruitage of your hard work.  Also don't forget about you, parents need to take of themselves and each other so they can continue to give.

"Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we've ever met.” Marguerite Duras 

The bathroom is a sacred space, a royal throne fit for a king. Allegedly Louis XIV would hold meetings while perched atop his commode. And while this is disgusting, no matter how much time passes or how much humans evolve, it is unfathomable to think one may never defecate or urinate again. What goes in, must come out. 

Louis XIV's palace Versailles was extremely filthy, where courtiers and party guests would go to the bathroom in the hallways and courtyards because there weren't enough facilities. Here in this fecal free-for-all, diseases and plaques were rampant with the lack of hygiene. This issue still plagues humanity whether you're sightseeing in New York or attending the Burning Man festival in the Nevada, bathroom accessibility is essential. There is a shit storm of marketed to people to ease their weewee whoas.

The toilet seat alone is in a state of perpetual advancement. I remember visiting my great aunt's house and she had a padded toilet seat. And although I thought this was slightly disgusting and unnecessary, who am I to judge? There are decorative seat covers including rugs and carpeting, removable sanitary liners, heaters, bidets, massagers, water jets, and glow in the dark stickers for nighttime wizzes. The Japanese love a decadent dumper, where you feel like you've finally found a car wash oasis for your ass. But should you get bored, there are a multiple solutions such as toilet paper dispensers that hold and charge your smart devices and let's not forget the miniture golf course. There is a plethora of reading material, such as What Your Poo is Telling You? and Poo Log.  

But if you're trying to get in touch with your more primative self, there is Squatty Potty a stool for your stool. For $25 you can transform your toilet into essentially a hole in the ground. Humans are actually supposed to poop while squatting, as it better on the bowels. But if you'd rather not know such much and want to class up the experience, colored toilet paper is the answer. Apparently the Kardashians subscribe to this methodology. Renova is Portugese company fulfilling this demand, with black toilet paper being their biggest seller. Red on the other hand is their worst seller, which is not understandable why. But whatever gets you through the day, or the shit, the bathroom remains equally as essential.

Unfamiliar to those outside the United States, Thanksgiving is a day dedicated to history, heritage, giving thanks and giving back.  The historical premise surrounding Thanksgiving is a heated debate over the decimation of North American indigenous populations and the colonization of North American. Coming together at end of harvest season, the these two contrasting parties purportedly had one glorious meal. Today this idea of coming together unites those less fortunate with those able to give, as well as diverse families and friends. Besides watching the Macy's Day Parade, Westminster Dog Show, and American football, overeating is the most honored tradition.

The idea of stuffing food is nothing new, in 1807 the Almanach des Gourmands, gastronomist Grimod de La Reynière presents his rôti sans pareil ("roast without equal") which was a turkey, a goose, a pheasant, a chicken, a duck, a guinea fowl, a teal, a woodcock, a partridge, a plover, a lapwing, a quail, a teal, a woodcock, a partridge, a plover, a lapwing, a quail, a thrush, a lark, an ortolan bunting and a garden warbler. Although most of these animals are seemingly unknown or extinct, modern societies equivalent is the Turducken. 


Engastrastic is the act of stuffing meat into meat. Obviously this is a chicken stuffed in a duck, stuffed in a turkey.  Although mentioned in 1994 in the New York Times, It's a Bird, It's a Bird, It's a Bird. The turducken became popular when former American football player and commentator John Madden unveiled and carved the turducken 2001. It was also promoted on Fox Sports by awarding  winning Thanksgiving Bowl football teams with a Turducken. The term "Bring Back the Turducken" was coined which resonates as a fixation of the past. With this revelry of the past, we can only reflect on our meat eating paleo neanderthal lineage which has moved into our cholesterol loving society. Fixated with one holiday dedicated to overeating and overdrinking, one can only wonder if it is real. Give thanks one duck, one chicken, and one turkey, one drink, and one fight with the family. 

There has been a moment in everyone's life where they have either felt invisible or desired invisibility. Almost everyone has been overlooked and under-appreciated at some point in there, much like the protagonist in Ralph Ellison's 1952 tour de force novel Invisible Man. The narrator who's name remains unknown recites his mobius strip of a tail. He battles racism in the south, university politics and expulsion somewhere in the middle, and encounters race riots, political occupation, and disaccord among the brethren in the North. Down on his luck, the narrator accepts defeat and decides to stay underground to thus start the story, and become invisible.

Feeling invisible is completely different from wanting invisibility. Now if you're in the market for invisibility, The Secret to Invisibility is Revealed is sold a mere $34, $24.95, and $14.05. And although the secret will most likely never be revealed, people still buy. The lone Amazon testimony concludes this service is false. Sherwood says "it is not really about invisibility but rather projecting your mind into a place you want to see. It is not the ancient art of vanishing from sight and reappearing at will, as claimed you do not vanish, you simply do not physically go where you want to be invisible. You stay home and project your consciousness. The only way to reappear at will is to physically go where you want to. I will shortly appear at will at the supermarket. Occultist call it astral projection and the CIA call it remote viewing. A lot of hype for very little." 

Unfortunately the author and owner of Novel Discoveries, Bill W. Williams probably has no idea what it is like to be a minority or to feel underrepresented, i.e. the true representation of invisibility. Williams has managed Novel Discoveries for over 10 years thus concluding he is a talented con-artist and anyone can sell anything, even air (which invisibility essentially constitutes). Williams claims to be revered and highlighted by Jay Leno, but ultimately Leno only points out the absurdity of this products existence. This ludicrous idea is sold not-only on Amazon, but through Barnes & Nobel, PayPal, and Google Books where the downloadable secret of invisibility comes directly to your iPad, Kindle, and Nook. And although there are no claims on the Better Business Bureau and only one bad review, it is certain this is a mirage. 

So if you're dying to waste money go for it, however why not support Ellison who has a real story to tell. Otherwise keep supporting Williams cockomamy disillusionment divided between his sane-visible and insane-invisible self, which mind you is spent sking in New Hampshire and swimming/snorkling in Florida. 

When I was child I spent a great deal of time at my neighbors hunting lodge "The Sugar Shack" in Farmville Virginia. Mr. and Mrs. Clark Lowe, better known as Bear and Betty (i.e. hunting nickname) were my neighbors in Richmond/Chesterfield Virginia. As early as 6 years old, I distinctly remember running to my mother to show her a deer I'd found. Just imagine a cute little girl in a Sunday School dress beaming ear to ear with a smile, running across a wheat field, while carrying a freshly killed dear head still dripping blood and covered in fur. Now whether or not I knew the deer was dead is beyond me. 

Even though I've never been hunted and only fired a gun once, hunting is somehow integrated into my life. During college my idiot neighbor decided to gut and drain a deer by hanging it from a ladder outside my bedroom. Mind you this was in alley behind my Fan row-house in the city of Richmond Virginia. Although completely disgusting and inappropriate, I am accustom to game; to venison meatballs and venison ravioli, to squirrel brunswick stew, moose jerky, duck confit, gator bites, and roasted rabbit. 

While keeping with ideal of local, natural, organic, minimally processed meat wild game and hunting is not only helping feed America but also a solution for starving animals. In preparation for this piece, I took it upon myself to review the US Census's 2011 Survey of US Fish & Wildlife Services where over 13 million people hunted for a total of 282 million days ing 2011. With this they spent close to $43.2 billion was spent on equipment alone. If only my college neighbor  had sacrificed some cash on acquiring the proper gear as well as using it in a better location. 

The hunting market is primed with products; from guns to all terrain vehicles. Apparently much like dating, you have to remove and add scents to attract animals. Along with decoys such as fake trees and animals you have to blend into the environment. Camouflage is a must from infant onesies to lingerie. Sure having a baby on a tree strand, holding a gun seems ridiculous, but someone's probably doing it, or why would they make kids camo? Since hunting season typically takes place in the fall and early winter, camo bathing suits and underwear make a lot of sense. Harvest season and Thanksgiving would be nothing without it. As for the battle over gun rights, there may never be a meeting point for conservatives and liberals unless they get together over a nice bowl of squirrel soup or a local turkey.

With McDonald's Profit falling 30% over the course of 2014t hey are desperately trying to stay relevant. The fast food market is evolvolging world of innovative food creations and processees. 

The history of fast food in America can be attributed advances in food processing, preparation, and preservation. At the start of the twentieth century the hamburger was invented by Louis Lunch in New Haven CT, followed by Nathan's Hotdogs opening in Coney Island 1916, and White Castle debuting in 1921 Witchitah Kansas. It wouldn't be until 1953 that the first McDonald's would open in San Bernardino. While military advancements in food processing and preservation led to the MRE they also aided fast food. The automat and drive-in diners altered the customer's dining experienced, whtere the underlining motivation was convenience, standardization, accessibility, affordability, and at one point quality. Fast food went from a novelty to an everyday.

Having fully integrated into this American life, there is a constant pressure for fast food companies to stay relevant. With so much competition, new products increase interest. Such as the ever-evolving pizza crust going simply from thick or thing to being made of pretzel dough, having string cheese and hot dogs shoved in it. Hot Dog Pizza? This amalgamation of fast foods from hot dogs to hamburgers has found its way not only into the pizza, but croissants, doughnuts, and bagels. The bourgeois Cronut and Ramen burger are innovative investigations in dynamic food combinations. Who would have thought a soups noodle would make a nice hamburger bun? Or rather that chips would make a unique taco shell thereby uniting the two superpower brands of Taco Bell and Doritos.  Then there is the business practice of obscurity, whereby only offering an item for a limited amount of time helped McDonald's establish its cult-like following for the McRib. But it doesn't stop there, you have chicken nuggetts in everyshape known to mankind stars, rings, strips, and bits. The nearly 100 year old White Castle prides itself on its suitcase full of burgers. Then there's Jack In The Boxe's 45 patties burger with grill cheese for its buns, followed by the substitution of chicken patties for bread as in KFCs Double down with a whooping grand total of 2261 calories (close if not your recomended daily total). The Double Down is constructed from two fried chicken patties and filled with cheese and bacon thereby waiting to clog your heart. 

On a positive note, thanks to technology incidents like the filming of the pink slime and published ingredients as well as calories are informing the customer. If only the money spent on advertising and inginuity were redirected to providing healthier options and decent pay/benefits for employees. 

Many of us will go home this evening and open up our mailboxes. Yes, the evening ritual of sorting bills and considering donations request, especially those envelopes with cleft pallets. Opening the mail is an emotional roller coaster; from the sadness brought on by student loans and financial statements, to the joy and hopefulness found in magazines and catalogs, followed by notes of shame, disgust and exploitation seen in donation requests. But every once in a while you get a letter, post card, and or greeting card. This not only brightens up your day but makes the world a betters place.

How would you feel if the person didn't hand-write your letter? What if Snail Mail Your Email sent it? What if interactive artist, filmmaker, and education Ivan Cash wrote it? Could we perhaps then add the feeling of betrayal to opening the mail?

Like the mail, Ivan Cash is a mixed-bag or jack of trades human-being. In 2011 Cash came up with the idea of re-writing folks emails (in the snail mail sense) and sending them out over the course of a month. As a result, the idea was wildly popular whers he received over 10,000 requests and had to enlist volunteers from around the globe to help with the writing. Since then, Snail Mail My Email SMME now takes one week out of every year to continue this path of enlightenment, or busybody-ness. While conceived as conceptual art Cash is commenting on the lost art of communication and engagement which is captured in his book (or your letters) Snail Mail My Email. Cash has also received fame and notoriety via Brokelyn, CNN, BBC, NPR, FastCompany, BuzzFeed, Gawker, TIME, The New York Time, and Justapoz. 

Although slightly less revered but equally as heartless, Or Arbel created the Yo app to only have debuted April Fools Day 2014. Arbel received over $1 million from investors, mainly by Moshe Hogeg CEO of Mobli who originally desired an one button app to call his assistant. Yo is about as simple as it gets, one button one friend, one yo, you know. That is it, no other words, no other functions, just Yo fo Yo. Although seemingly stupid, Yo is now valued at $5 to $10 million dollars, claiming to have been downloaded over 2 million times and equating to four million Yo's being sent in one day. 

Now if Yo isn't enough for the Mrs. and/or Misses, while outsourcing Cash to cash in on your love letters isn't in the stars, BroApp might buy you some time. BroApp is a hypothetical wingman who automatically responds to the ladies for you. The relationship guru is customizable to the relationship status and frequency, thereby even recognizing her home wifi signal and cancelling pre-scheduled messages. The important thing here is that you are no longer on your own in a relationship, with the meddling of other you can either streamline with a simple Yo or flowery up communication to suit your needs.

The Lava Lamp, neither lava nor a lamp. Well as far as a lamp is concerned it certainly sexualizes settings, however they're not practical lighting especially for lost and founds or librarys. There is a stigma attached to the lamp, where upon entering a room one's preconceived notions and stereotypes rise like the lava. Whether or not the owner upholds these intentions or stereotypes is irrelevant, because inevitably the you feel a sense of warmth, a romantic aura, and an intoxicating transcendence into the 60's. 

Invented in 1963 by Edward Craven Walker an English accountant. The devise is simply a mixture of wax and water, that upon heating generates movement. So simple yet so sensual. Little did Walker and his business associates know instrumental their innovative invention would be in the act of conceiving. Hitting the market just in time for the Summer of Love, the lava lamp provided the mood lighting for Generation X's psychedelic mind expansion and sexual exploration. Never had there been a light so directly responsible for human reproduction. 

As lava continues to bellow from Kilauea volcano in the Hawaiian Islands one can only think of the magnitude and amazingness of this vast world. Like the lava lamps role in fornications, volcanos are essentially mother earth's version of lovemaking. Like sex, volcanos are hot, dangerous, passionate, and sometime painful when in the line of fire. It is crazing to think volcanic eruptions have plagued this planet since it's existence, where the ancient Roman town of Pompeii was wiped out when Mount Vesuvius killed 18,000 in 79AD, while not too long ago the 1812 eruption of Mount Tambora in Indonesia killed over 30 million. The earth's development is contingent upon volcanos and natural disasters, the only thing we can do is monitor them. Unfortunately we can't monitor all of mankind and their mistakes, such as Pillip Quinn who was killed after heating a lava lamp on the stove and was impaled his heart by the glass after it exploded. Although sad, Quinn is the recipient of a Darwin Award. It is procreation that keeps the lava flowing, even with ament death and destruction